Winning

I could have never guessed the loss of life or the amazing volume of love I would experience over the last year – a true lesson that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Today marks the first anniversary of our friend’s and family’s loss of my son's dear friend, Tommy, to suicide. I remember Keegan calling me crying, to tell me that Tommy took his own life. I remember the kick to my gut as I tried to slow down my car and pull over as I felt the air overcome me and escape as I screamed out. I remember trembling as my 2 year old kept asking me what was wrong and my loss for words as I just sat and cried with Keegan on the phone, consumed with loss. I remember the complete absence of words as I approached my dear friend, having not the slightest clue of what to say to her – but knowing that at her side is where I absolutely needed to be.

My boys have a lot of friends, but few are so intertwined with our entire family like Tommy is. Tommy and my son, Keegan – played soccer together. A lot of soccer. Tommy’s mom and I carpooled and became fast friends as we had both endured some pretty rough roads (hers, far more treacherous than mine) but shared a commonality in our complete devotion to our children. We could never have foreseen the paths we would be traveling together that had nothing to do with their soccer games.

These boys were both passionate about their game and having each other’s back. They always had a blast together. Countless sleepovers, out of town tournaments and family get-togethers…bonding, living, loving and always laughing. Every member of my family has a connection with every member of Tommy’s family and he was gone.  What. The. Hell.?! We had just celebrated Tommy’s graduation a few weeks beforehand and were working on his life’s Plan B – as we found out he was expecting his first child. Of course, that wasn’t Plan A, like I said – we were all pulling together and helping him work on his Plan B. He had backup. A lot of it. He had a huge support system and was great with kids, Tommy was going to be a great Dad. It would all be fine and work itself out as part of God’s plan. Trust. Believe. Support. Have Faith.

GONE.

Wait. WHAT?

How could he be gone? I JUST looked that young man in the face and told him I loved him – he knew I loved him. I know he loved me – and I am in a large crowd of people who can say the same. He knew we had his back. What on earth just happened here?! Depression happened here. Addiction happened here. Satan is what happened here.  John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Uhhh, Satan just has no idea who he is messing with (insert maniacal laugh here). Tommy’s parents are some of the strongest people I’ve ever met – in life and in their faith. It’s one of the many things we share in common and would become a tie that bound us together for the last year, so strongly held – a true sign of God’s grace.

Within days, there was a foundation created in Tommy’s honor and t-shirts present to spread the word. The loss of Tommy’s life would not be in vain – there would be a purpose (Satan could take his attack and shove it, thank you very much). And so began our journey to bring awareness to suicide prevention and mental illness. It’s been a very rewarding year of fundraising and tireless work from Tommy’s mom. She’s done interviews & speeches. There was a billboard featuring Tommy for Suicide Prevention month last September, she’s got a blog to share her journey (Each Breath of Faith) and she’s recently met with the spiritual leaders of our community to spread the word and present opportunities for them to support their congregations in their own battles of depression. She has been instrumental in implementing new grief support groups for suicide survivors. This woman is rocking it.

We’ve had baby showers and welcomed Tommy’s sweet, healthy and beautiful baby, Esperanza (Hope) into this world and Keegan was very instrumental in that. He had Tommy’s back (as always) and was supporting baby Esperanza’s mother and helping make sure she (and Baby ‘Espi’) had what they needed – and now, Keegan’s gone. Satan’s attack continues.

I look back at the multitude of soccer pictures over the years and I love to see the determination in these boys – the looks of, “I DARE YOU”, how you can see team mates in the background watching the other’s backs; on the ready - busy being their brother’s keeper. Such a tremendous lesson and treasured memories for these boys to have. And us.  I always found such great joy in watching them play a challenging team because they would inevitably fall behind a goal or two and you could see them (usually), mentally and physically dig in their heels and get to work. When you saw that happen – they couldn’t be beat. Teamwork came in and they did the hard work they knew had to be done – they fought hard and they earned their wins. On occasion, they were tired or being lazy and they gave in and lost – not such good times.

I know when I lost my dad I very much felt like I was being attacked and really had a connected moment of pulling myself up by the boot straps to show this world what he had instilled in me and to live my life as a reflection of the work he put into me, to show what I was made of and that is truly what has led my path for the last 20 years. It would have been really easy for me to give in, give up, make some bad choices (and excuses) like so many do – really easy. I wanted more for me; for my children – made hard decisions and took very difficult steps to get where I wanted to be. So did Tommy’s mom and I know she agrees - it was always worth it. Looking forward from where we stand now, I know this is how Tommy’s mom and I will get through our coming days until we are joined with our boys again. 1 Corinthians 16:13 Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Heels dug into our faith to march forward. Onward and upward – having each other’s back, just like our boys do; forevermore. 

Intentionally Yours,

Crystal